Recent Stuff

Some mini blurbs from things I've enjoyed recently; or, rather simply procrastination from finishing the other, more in-depth reviews for a handful of books I start writing and don't finish for weeks. Certainly someone on the internet needs to review Big Orvie!

Swan Song
Robert McCammon
1987

This monstrous tome always intrigued me due to my infatuation with post-nuke stories. Primarily you'll read others categorizing this as a horror novel since McCammon's name is usually tied to the genre, but it hardly is. It's more Dark Fantasy/Post-Apocalyptic Sci-Fi if anything, with a slight touch of the demonic at times. I'll rarely touch something this large because it seems unnecessarily so -- and it is -- so I went the audiobook route through Amazon for my relatively short commute, and a form of influence for my gaining midsection to listen while at the gym.

While infinitely long, it moves at a steady pace, never boring and introducing only a handful of characters. It's a pulp epic and I can't see it trying to be anything else, which is a relief, so you don't have that Stephen King level of bloat that permeates his lengthy tomes.

In short, it's about a handful of people surviving after Russian and the U.S. simultaneously bomb each other through Mutually Assured Destruction. The sense of dread and hopeless is palpable, which is where McCammon really succeeds here. When he keeps it grounded into a simple survival story it's great; people struggle for food, fight diseases, and scour the remnants of a dead America. The groups of survivors are strictly categorized into two groups, which is essentially the personification of Good and Evil. Here's where McCammon really loses it for me. It's just too damned silly and black and white for my tastes, almost like a morality tale. Within the first few chapters the conclusion is already apparent and there's no surprises along the way, which really questions the validity of its length.

Still, the good outweighs the bad. Swan Song is pretty nasty and bleak at times, and that's when it prevails, through describing cultish encampments and the war between them, or a supermarket ran by the escaped denizens of an insane asylum. The fantasy, goodie nature of the protagonist though really grates, and McCammon isn't too skilled at dodging the clichés, which reaches an almost unbearable degree near the end. Almost impossible to recommend to read based on its length, but as an audiobook it made a largely entertaining affair that I could get lost in.

Biotherapy
Akihiro Kashima
1986

I really enjoy this great time in the 80s and early 90s in Japan where a string of great, SFX heavy DTV films -- usually at a runtime no longer than an hour -- were coming out on tape. Out of the ones I've seen, they're almost always a great display for quick, pulpy fun, usually showcasing the creative abilities of those involved with monsters, robots, gore, and everything in between.

Biotherapy is especially short, at only 36 minutes. A group of scientists are creating a formula that could potentially wipe out all plankton and completely screw up the world, but they're all getting wiped out in horrible ways by a trenchcoated being that glows blue, via eye-stabbing, stomach-gouging, and even ripping out the intestines.

It's short and sweet, but the narrative at times feels pretty stiff despite such a short runtime, so it almost feels a bit longer than it is, but only by a bit. Another worthy addition to this great period to sit alongside things like Gakidama and Cyber Ninja to name a few.

Original Release Cover

Hostesses in Hell
Russell Gray (Bruno Fischer)
1939

I usually get pretty bummed when there's a "rational" explanation to any sort of pulp stuff, like in Doc Savage or the few Weird Menace stories I've read. If there's a monster or something supernatural, I want it to be a monster or something supernatural, dammit! Needless to say, I was quite pleased when I purchased this wonderful collection from Dancing Tuatara Press through Ramble House, that during the introduction they talk about how those "rational" climaxes were growing stale, and a few writers started amping up the supernatural and violence without logical explanations.

Hostesses in Hell, the first novelette from the collection, is a lot like The Island of Dr. Moreau, except full of naked women, and the beasts that inhabit the island weren't created there. I won't spoil much, but it's basically one guy and his gal and all her babe relatives get on a boat and get lost at sea, then end up on this island. There's a fancy old estate there that's like an insane asylum, except these are all humanoid creatures (that look like slugs, crabs, and snakes) that were kin to rich relatives that paid to put them on this island to be taken care of. This gorgeous woman/creature, whom is basically just a voluptuous beauty with fangs -- and no soul. She's lets all the monsters out and seduces our hero, causing chaos amongst the island, as the monsters run amok, tearing apart naked women. This sort of no-nonsense storytelling is what I live for. Eagerly looking forward to the later stories (and volumes) from Mr. Gray!

Black Samurai #1

Black Samurai  (Black Samurai #1
Marc Olden
1974

I've always been familiar with the Jim Kelly film, Black Samurai, so I was pleasantly surprised to find out it was a book series by the revered Marc Olden, which at this point I still hadn't read anything of. Maybe not a good deal to most for ratty paperbacks, and since these are now available on Amazon in digital editions, but earlier this year I scored all of these in a lot off the 'bay. Price came out to about the price of the digital editions, but I felt it was worth it for my obsessive tangible desires. And the covers are absolutely glorious.

I've just read the first book so far. Didn't blow me away, but it's a solid setup for things to come. Our introduction to the Black Samurai is in Vietnam, where GI Robert Sand sees a group of white GIs bullying a frail Asian man. He intervenes and is shot in the process, seeing the elderly man clean up the scum with inhuman moves. Sand awakens in a different place, his wounds dressed. His savior is naturally a Samurai master, so no surprises what happens from this point on.

The story kicks into gear when a nasty group of terrorists with some world-cleansing ideals raid the dojo, machine-gunning, grenading, and attack-dogging all those inside. Sand and his fellow samurai manage to take a few terrorists with them, but they're ultimately all wiped out, with Sand the only survivor.

The revenge onward is decent, but only a few notable scenes. A lot of sleuthing about and finding the bad dudes, but one particular scene where he invades an outpost at night is pretty good, going as far as decapitating a lookout guy then throwing the head in, convincing the remaining guys inside to just straight up leave in fear!

It's been a couple months since I read this earlier this year, and already my memory of it has sorta diminished, hence the ass review. It was enjoyable and moved fast, but nothing that memorable--sans that glorious decapitation! With the intro exposition out of the way I'm definitely looking forward to the next volume that'll hopefully have a bit more to remember it by, especially the sixth volume with its delightful, cultish cover with whip-wielding midgets.

Rare Gwendoline Poster Appears!

One film I worship is Just Jaeckin's Gwendoline, also known as The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of Yik-Yak, very loosely based on John Willie's S&M comic Sweet Gwendoline. Jaeckin is best known for 1974's Emmanuelle, which was pretty huge and launched infinite films starring Emmanuelle (and often spelled Emanuelle), which in most circles is probably more popularly known as the bundle of Italian films featuring exploitation goddess Laura Gemser. I liked Jaeckin's; it's pretty, and I'm sure this is fault of the source material that I haven't read, but also a bit, eh... rapey--or totally liberating, in bonkers 70's film world. I've preferred the Gemser stuff, which doesn't shy away from its absolutely exploitation elements; it very much knows what it is, without any pretentions that some old dude drummed up about getting fucked against your will. The 70's!

But I digress! I don't collect many post variants, because Crom knows I already own way too goddamn many, with only a meager percentage of those actually christened upon my walls. But I snag up interesting Gwendoline ones when I can, because as I said, I absolutely adore it--and put them on my walls!

I've never seen this one at all, and whomever purchased it obviously hadn't either because it disappeared as I got the ebay notification within the day off surfacing. I'm pretty heartbroken I didn't get it. Just looking at it pulls my heart strings and stings with regret! $47 bucks is a bit up there for me--but it's Zabou! I assume this was some sort of promotional thing, with individual snaps taken from this other poster I've been after--and did get from the same seller!--so that's exciting, at least. But guhhhhh, I want this.

Oh well. Here's to hoping another appears someday in the future. For now just documenting since I haven't seen another online ever, ebay or otherwise.

Zulu Blood (Soldier for Hire #1)

Zulu Blood (Soldier for Hire #1)
Robert Skimin
1981

At a cover glance, Zulu Blood looks like it has it all: a discontent hardass protagonist with the silver likeness of Lee Marvin; people getting shot on the cover; implications of mercenaries; and of course, all taking place presumably in Heart of Darkness Africa, with some sort of pulp Zulu influence. These things are indeed all present, but it was a read that quickly showed its true colors of being quite a slog. I've been coming quite acquainted with Zebra's paperbacks lately; or, more so the size of them. Most of what I own is all horror, and despite somewhat large-ish print, they're still quite the tome. No exception here for their action line, and it certainly reads that way.

Zulu Blood starts off strong with the entertainment, but maybe not in the intentional way. Our hero, JC Stonewall, instantly starts going off on insane page-length rants about America's involvement in the Vietnam War--and not in the generally universal "we shouldn't have been there" view, but more so how we fucked up and didn't do it right. Liberals and commies instantly become interchangeable to hilarious extents. He know his flaws and how his dad was a no good drunk, but goddammit, he was a good American. This sort of comical jingoism permeates the entire novel like classic WWII propaganda posters, which, while funny at first, can start to fluff out the text.

The story stars with JC taking on a job from a white plantation owner in Africa. Her daughter and zany father are missing and, naturally, she's a MILF, which JC takes full advantage of after his brash introduction charms her into submission. Dad and daughter left to join up with a crazy warlord, as they feel like his leadership is good for the area or something, leading JC to bring a few of the Milf's workers with him to infiltrate the camp undercover as a reporter.

The biggest problem with Zulu Blood is that there's not a whole lot of action in between the exposition and sex. When it does happen it's pretty violent, like when JC mows people in half with his Uzi, then unloads the clip into the corpse while screaming a rebel yell. I'd take that stuff all day, but it's fairly sparse. A large portion of the book is spent arguing politics, like complaining about women's liberation and 'Red' China. JC's old buddy, a black fellow, appears partway through the book, which JC jokingly calls racial epithets at every chance he can get -- since they're such good buds and all. It's all pretty absurd, and while I do love this sort of insane writing it really grates through, simply because there's just so goddamn much of it, at times reading like actual propaganda. And yeah, I could obviously bat an eye at this and chuckle, but there's simply not enough action to balance it out. There's sponge-baths and blowjobs and some ritual torture, but even the finale lacks a good action resolution at the end of this padded monster.

I won't throw in the towel just yet on Stonewall. Some of these other volumes by other writers sound a bit better, but I probably won't be going out of my way to find any anytime soon. The recent library sale held one volume of the series, but sadly it was just Zulu Blood again. We'll see what the future holds for Solder for Hire.

Hell Raiders (Pasukan berani mati)

Hell Raiders (Pasukan berani mati)
Imam Tantowi
1982/83

Hell Raiders is a great title. A few films share that same name because it's so good. For this one in particular, the Indonesian titled Pasukan berani mati, Hell Raiders seems to be its dubbed counterpart. I've seen it translated as Soldiers Are Willing to Die, and Google translate tells me it's Death Squads. All pretty nice titles in my book. There may be a few versions out there, but this dubbed version I watched was just over two hours, which syncs up pretty well with the original Indonesian language track version. IMDB claims it's an hour and forty minutes, so who knows if that exists even.

And speaking of its length, Hell Raiders could certainly use some trimming. It's a pretty serious tale, and a real one at that, based on Indonesia's war against the Dutch empire for their independence, but it's still pretty standard Indonesian action fare for the time. Rapi films was primarily known for their exploitation style filmmaking, but they definitely go all out for this. There's plenty of explosions, military vehicles, and loads of extras that perish in the fighting that comes.

However, at two hours there's a lot of padding, because while the budget's bigger they still can't manage to blow up enough military camps or frankenvehicles for that duration. In between you get a lot of characters introduced and some inner turmoil emotion, all of which is whisked away due to sporadic light humor and the exploitative action you crave.

A lot of familiar faces, like Barry Prima (The Warrior series), Dana Christina (The Stabilizer, Rambu), Dicky Zulkarnaen (Virgins from Hell, The White Crocodile), and many others, so while Hell Raiders isn't always raiding Hell, there's still enough to be entertained by, like slingshots to the face, arrows in the neck, exploding fishing boats where bodies go flying, and even a sacrificial bombing that sends a head flying. Not essential stuff, but definitely enough to like.

Pictures at some point, otherwise this is just sitting in draft hell.

Menumpas Terrorists (The Terrorists)

The Terrorists (Menumpas Terrorists)
Imam Tantowi
1986

I've been wanting to see this a while now after seeing the rad cover a number of times, featuring Barry Prima in a beret (a perennial favorite) holding this insane gun that sadly isn't in the movie. The director, Imam Tantowi is mainly credited with a handful of Indonesian fantasy films, but I mostly see him come up for stuff like Blazing Battle, which also got an English dub VHS, and Hell Raiders, both of which I still need to watch. After watching The Terrorists, it's nigh time to get those watched 'cause this was killer.

I just rambled on two posts ago about my love for disaster and I also live for action. This is a combination of the two, so out of the gate it's already ticking all of the right boxes. I can best describe it as being like Hard Boiled mixed with The Towering Inferno, with the first half of the film being action and the second half a disaster scenario.

So yeah, some terrorists get some bombs from some genius nerd in a shack, then proceed to blow it up and go on the run. The cops find out and a chase ensues, mixing in actual driving with greenscreen where the drivers just shake the wheel back and forth erratically, just like in real life. This looks particularly rough since the greenscreened image is all washed out.

It gets crazier when the terrorists arrive at a hospital, which has also been greenscreened! Things start getting surreal, because parts of the hospital and even the outside of it aren't scaled correctly, so sometimes people look really small and other things absolutely enormous.

The terrorists bust into the hospital and start blowing people away at random. Pretty soon the special forces are called in. Indonesian action star Barry Prima and company are dropped in via helicopter, glad in bullet proof armor, berets, and white gloves. They drop in through the roof and windows and start spraying away into crowds of people to hit the bad dudes with precision accuracy from their MAC-10s.

In one crazy scenario, Prima and his partner Terminator walk down the hall and come face to face with two terrorists, one of which happens to be Advent Bangun, this real hardass looking actor I see frequently in Indonesian stuff. Both groups just stare at each other and then just keep unloading bullets, but Prima and crew just sit there stoically as their armor soaks up all the rounds.

Most of the terrorists are dispatched pretty quickly, but the lead creep runs up the stairs and starts setting off all the bombs, creating the aforementioned disaster scenario. Floors and halls are all on fire now and smoke is everywhere. Patients with bandaged heads and broken legs leap through windows and off the roof, only to fall with a greenscreened background until they slam on the grass below. The police call in the firetrucks (one happens to be a station wagon) and the rescue begins.

Firefighters enter the building and create a chute through a window and start passing in through patients, while above a helicopter picks up groups of people in a giant net. The remaining terrorist cackles and informs everyone they are all going to die, randomly shooting innocents along the way. He makes it up to the roof as well, shoots a few patients, then starts arguing with a doctor and demands that he holds the baby he's cradling. The doctor naturally gives in.

Chaos still ensues, with scenes of patients and staff on fire. In one insane scene some lady is looking for a baby, only for the camera to show a bloody little body being trampled on the stairs! Then we're back to the terrorist on the roof, making insane demands with the police below and randomly shooting people, all while holding a baby that he frequently points his submachine gun at.

This was pretty wild. I was a bit disappointed when the terrorist crew got taken down, but then gleefully excited once I saw what this was turning into. I viewed an old Japanese VHS that was dubbed into English with Japanese hardsubs at the bottom. There's multiple versions out there in multiple languages, including a widescreen print in Indonesian.

Pictures eventually when I'm not a lardass.

Rambo: Last Blood

Ahhhh, finally here, and everything I could have wanted. Caught the first showing on 9/19/19, eager to see one of my many idols murder countless henchmen. And he most certainly does.

I didn't come in hesitantly to visit my old friend, but I had a niggling assumption in the back of my mind that this wouldn't necessarily disappoint, but wouldn't be up to snuff with Rambo from 2008; it would simply just be okay, closing the final chapter on the beloved hero.

But huzzah! All assumptions eradicated, my body sweating in the faux leather theater seats from stifling my squeals as John Rambo shoots off heads with shotguns, breaks bones with his fingers, and unloads half a clip into what is already a corpse stuck in a spike trap.

Cold, brutal dialogue and a sleazy plot that culminates into an action-packed set-piece finale catapult this into classic action fare. Many modern film-goers have already began to fart out nonsense regarding the plot without understanding the element of action, the art of action. Those that question how someone never reloads, how bullets don't pierce objects someone is hiding behind, why all these doves are flying around, will simply never get it; yet for some reason never question other fantastical fare like the infinite Marvel films that endless drool out from Disney's teat. 'Tis a pity.

But oh, Rambo. Thank you for again quenching my action dream world, where endless henchmen die in creative ways and the satisfaction of revenge is the only thing that matters.