Big Orvie

Big Orvie
Din Andrew
1965

If I had to summarize Big Orvie, I'd say it's a bit like Of Mice and Men, just way sleazier and without the mouse petting.  Big Orvie snags you with the sleaze hook from the get-go, as the town floozy is hanging around a gas station, rubbing all over one of the (married) attendants. She moves over to Orvie, who is described as slow and essentially retarded, and sticks her hands down his pants to discover that while he's lacking in the brains department, he certainly isn't in another.

And so begins this odd soap opera in this podunk town. Everyone sleeps around and is generally scum in their own way. The main setting, the gas station, is co-operated by Rad and his partner Flotsky, while Orvie helps out as he can with supervision from Rad, who has watched over him through their entire life from childhood to present.

Unlike Steinbeck's Lennie, Orvie doesn't mean well. He steals from the cash register, manipulates Rad, and even tries to kill Flotsky; yet, somehow Orvie is considered the slow one here. Wife Jo isn't getting any from Flotsky since he's already getting his elsewhere, so she remembers Orvie's massive package and invites him over. They screw for hours, Orvie's endurance seemingly endless. Flotsky comes home to witness this and attacks Orvie, beating him into a corner. Then he goes for his wife, still stuck in sexual nirvana, and beats her with his belt. She's so sexed-up that she gets off on this and they rekindle their relationship. Briefly. Orvie gets fired and heads out to his zealot mother's house, while Flotsky skips town with the aforementioned floozy, leaving his perpetually horney wife and two children at home without any money or food and Rad to man the station -- and eventually his wife.

But Rad has a girlfriend. She's a great gal, a nurse and all, but she just won't put out for Rad, despite his frequent advances. She also quashes his dreams of grandeur of running a chicken farm with Orvie, and instead implores him to become a TV repairman. She promises to remain prude until marriage, and only a TV repairman will do! One night this is too much, so remembering the advances of Jo, he drives over to her house in the middle of the night, thus beginning their sex-fueled fling.

In the meantime, in one of the only genuinely disturbing scenes of the book, Orvie molests an eleven year-old neighbor and is subsequently arrested. Rad bails him out of jail and sends him out of town to start working on the chicken farm. Rad's girlfriend finds out about his affair and they eventually rekindle the relationship, leaving Jo utterly alone without anyone to quench her sexual desires.

So, with no options, it's back to Orvie she goes. She somehow knows where this old farm is and arrives to find Orvie living in squalor, the kitchen covered in trash and dirty dishes full of half-eaten food. Orvie's onto her games and knows what she wants, and Jo is practically begging him to take her to bed. Sensing the desperation, Orvie forces her to drink a murky bowel of leftover food, which is an odd mix of cereal and milk and ketchup and something else. She gags on the filth but keeps it down, winning Orvie over. Again they screw all night, her desires finally fulfilled. But Orvie knows that now that she's satiated she won't return. But he remembers how desperate she was and how he commanded her to drink the bowl of garbage in the kitchen, and soon he realizes what power he has over her and has other ideas, leading to the scene on the cover...

Despite the generally nasty premise, Big Orvie never gets overly graphic. It's all pretty tame compared to what you'd read in an action book from the 70s or 80s, but boooooy is it sleazy. I love these sort of backwoods sexcapades and small-town tomfoolery, so this was naturally a hit with me. Poor Orvie just didn't know any better!

Cheerleader in Chains

Stealthily edited by yours truly, MSPaint extraordinaire

Cheerleader in Chains
Blake Garfield
1988

The other week I was wanting to read something really sleazy. I had plenty of stuff on the shelf that would fit the bill, but was hesitant it wouldn't fully deliver on the goods I desired. Around the same time I inadvertently found an absolute treasure trove of resources over at Lusty Books while researching another book I was interested in, so I dove into the first thing that caught my eye, Cheerleader in Chains.

It wasn't so much an interest initially in something to this degree, as I'd certainly prefer something more horror oriented with the odd sexuality intermingled, but while previewing this book - which kept appearing when you refreshed pages - I happened to read one of the last pages, which was so absolutely depraved and absurd that I went in full force. Beware, because from this point on it gets downright nasty.

I'm not sure what this genre or type of book is called, if anything other than just porn. This company, Greenleaf Books, seems to have been quite the publisher in the field, with a large portion of this digital library comprised of their titles. And the titles are exactly just that; whatever the title is, that's entirely what it's going to be about. They're short and sweet, so with a title like Mom's Dog Rape, you better steer clear, because the entirety of that book is going to be about that poor mom and a canine's carnal adventures, part of their Pet line; while Cheerleader in Chains is part of their Bondage line of books.

And so I was quite surprised when starting Cheerleader, that within the first paragraph we get a little exposition, then it's zero to fuck just like that, burning down the track for the entire duration of its seedy contents of sexual depravity, never ceasing or slowing down with a growing number of fetishes and infinite cumshots.

Our character, a cheerleader from the city, instantly gets picked up after a football game by the rival team's fans, a group of over fifty rednecks. It never feels like the group is that large, primarily focusing on the ringleaders and their cronies, the rest of the group mentioned only to heighten the disgusting nature of what's going on, like when the author needs to detail just how many men just ejaculated on her. In one particular hilarious example of this, eight guys are tit-fucking her simultaneously. How they manage this I don't know!

Initially the character fights the horrible redneck onslaught as they gangrape her over a motorcycle in the street, slapping her gigantic breasts with sticks and verbally berating her. They decide to continue the gangrape to some secluded farmhouse, chaining her to a truck and forcing her to keep up as they drive. Before this they stick over twenty ball bearings into both her vagina and anus, the clacking of these inside of her as she tries to keep up on foot emitting perpetual convulsive orgasms throughout her body, while onlookers in other vehicles drive up alongside her to piss, spit, and throw manure in her face. But it's okay, because she's apparently starting to like it.

At the barn all hell breaks loose after they make her, uh... eject the ball bearings from her anus and vagina into a pan, then scoop them up in her mouth like a dog and wash them clean. More people slap her around and have sex with her, then they take her into the room of Booger, the barn's resident obese redneck. The book at this point had already been nasty, but the hellish domain of Booger is out of control in the sleaze department. Booger himself is just in tighty-whiteys and a wife-beater, which are both yellowed with sweat and emit an odor that only compliments the aforementioned look. The same goes with his bed, which is a disgusting, yellowed mattress. Booger immediately takes the cheerleader into his control and forces her to clean his toes with her tongue and mouth the outline of his privates that bulge out of the vile underwear. She almost throws up a few times, but at this point she's fully obsessed with this degrading torture, which at this point is almost pure, revolting pleasure. Booger then whips out his gigantic package, and to the delight and surprise of everyone, is successfully and miraculously deepthroated by the 'heroine', despite almost splitting her mouth apart.

The excesses from this point are just as crazy as they bring her back out into the main area of the barn, tying her down and gangbanging her more, women forcing oral sex on her while Booger and co. anally and vaginally penetrate her, whilst others just cum everywhere they can. Eventually she's tied up in a trough, where one of the women stick a mop handle TWO FEET inside her, the cheerleader somehow wanting more! All 80+ guys come up and cum all over her in the trough, then piss in it as well. This unholy concoction is detailed to be past her legs. Finally, the main villainess comes up and shits in her mouth, the cheerleader absolutely loving it. They leave her in the barn despite her erotic pleas for more, promising to return tomorrow as she remains chained up.

Kinda like a literally trainwreck, as I couldn't stop reading this drivel. Dunno how often I'll delve into this sort of stuff, because there's almost zero storytelling here; just endless, vulgar sex for pages and pages until its raunchy finale. What a ride.

Ambush at Derati Wells (Soldier of Fortune #6)

Ambush At Derati Wells (Soldier of Fortune #6)
Peter McCurtin (Ralph Hayes)
1977

I got a few of the Soldier of Fortune novels for cheap recently, and while I prefer to start with the first, I went ahead and started Ambush at Derati Wells, the sixth in the series, as it sounded the most interesting at the time. I'm glad I did, because I wound up loving it; and, thankfully, they all seem to be self-contained adventures, so I didn't miss out any continuing arc or continuity. Narrated by mercenary Jim Rainey, and that's all I needed to know.

Thanks to Paperback Warrior for the author correction (actually Ralph Hayes and not McCurtin, as on my cover) and excellent review. Ambush is fast and lean, just like I like it. Seems like there was actually some decent research into some of the resident tribes and verbiage of the land Rainey is currently stationed at, which adds nicely to the setting instead of the typical 'mystical' Africa.

Essentially a treasure hunt in the drylands of Africa, with competing hunters and natives along the way. Rainey teams up with a local African lawyer, a big game hunter guide and two of his customers, and a small group of guides and inventory schleppers, a far cry from the group of M-16 totting red-beret soldiers on the cover.

One thing I really appreciated with the narrative is how matter-of-fact it is. While obviously not a realistic novel, it pulls no punches with the mercenary experience. Main characters are dispatched without batting an eye, Rainey aware of what they signed up for, without excessive ruminating on their passing. It's all part of who they are, and it's hardly described as glamorous. You've got the odd, almost forced into the novel sex scene in the middle of the African desert, yeah, but that only leads to an excuse for more savagery and revenge down the road, so I'll take it. Good stuff.

Recent Stuff

Some mini blurbs from things I've enjoyed recently; or, rather simply procrastination from finishing the other, more in-depth reviews for a handful of books I start writing and don't finish for weeks. Certainly someone on the internet needs to review Big Orvie!

Swan Song
Robert McCammon
1987

This monstrous tome always intrigued me due to my infatuation with post-nuke stories. Primarily you'll read others categorizing this as a horror novel since McCammon's name is usually tied to the genre, but it hardly is. It's more Dark Fantasy/Post-Apocalyptic Sci-Fi if anything, with a slight touch of the demonic at times. I'll rarely touch something this large because it seems unnecessarily so -- and it is -- so I went the audiobook route through Amazon for my relatively short commute, and a form of influence for my gaining midsection to listen while at the gym.

While infinitely long, it moves at a steady pace, never boring and introducing only a handful of characters. It's a pulp epic and I can't see it trying to be anything else, which is a relief, so you don't have that Stephen King level of bloat that permeates his lengthy tomes.

In short, it's about a handful of people surviving after Russian and the U.S. simultaneously bomb each other through Mutually Assured Destruction. The sense of dread and hopeless is palpable, which is where McCammon really succeeds here. When he keeps it grounded into a simple survival story it's great; people struggle for food, fight diseases, and scour the remnants of a dead America. The groups of survivors are strictly categorized into two groups, which is essentially the personification of Good and Evil. Here's where McCammon really loses it for me. It's just too damned silly and black and white for my tastes, almost like a morality tale. Within the first few chapters the conclusion is already apparent and there's no surprises along the way, which really questions the validity of its length.

Still, the good outweighs the bad. Swan Song is pretty nasty and bleak at times, and that's when it prevails, through describing cultish encampments and the war between them, or a supermarket ran by the escaped denizens of an insane asylum. The fantasy, goodie nature of the protagonist though really grates, and McCammon isn't too skilled at dodging the clichés, which reaches an almost unbearable degree near the end. Almost impossible to recommend to read based on its length, but as an audiobook it made a largely entertaining affair that I could get lost in.

Biotherapy
Akihiro Kashima
1986

I really enjoy this great time in the 80s and early 90s in Japan where a string of great, SFX heavy DTV films -- usually at a runtime no longer than an hour -- were coming out on tape. Out of the ones I've seen, they're almost always a great display for quick, pulpy fun, usually showcasing the creative abilities of those involved with monsters, robots, gore, and everything in between.

Biotherapy is especially short, at only 36 minutes. A group of scientists are creating a formula that could potentially wipe out all plankton and completely screw up the world, but they're all getting wiped out in horrible ways by a trenchcoated being that glows blue, via eye-stabbing, stomach-gouging, and even ripping out the intestines.

It's short and sweet, but the narrative at times feels pretty stiff despite such a short runtime, so it almost feels a bit longer than it is, but only by a bit. Another worthy addition to this great period to sit alongside things like Gakidama and Cyber Ninja to name a few.

Original Release Cover

Hostesses in Hell
Russell Gray (Bruno Fischer)
1939

I usually get pretty bummed when there's a "rational" explanation to any sort of pulp stuff, like in Doc Savage or the few Weird Menace stories I've read. If there's a monster or something supernatural, I want it to be a monster or something supernatural, dammit! Needless to say, I was quite pleased when I purchased this wonderful collection from Dancing Tuatara Press through Ramble House, that during the introduction they talk about how those "rational" climaxes were growing stale, and a few writers started amping up the supernatural and violence without logical explanations.

Hostesses in Hell, the first novelette from the collection, is a lot like The Island of Dr. Moreau, except full of naked women, and the beasts that inhabit the island weren't created there. I won't spoil much, but it's basically one guy and his gal and all her babe relatives get on a boat and get lost at sea, then end up on this island. There's a fancy old estate there that's like an insane asylum, except these are all humanoid creatures (that look like slugs, crabs, and snakes) that were kin to rich relatives that paid to put them on this island to be taken care of. This gorgeous woman/creature, whom is basically just a voluptuous beauty with fangs -- and no soul. She's lets all the monsters out and seduces our hero, causing chaos amongst the island, as the monsters run amok, tearing apart naked women. This sort of no-nonsense storytelling is what I live for. Eagerly looking forward to the later stories (and volumes) from Mr. Gray!

Black Samurai #1

Black Samurai  (Black Samurai #1
Marc Olden
1974

I've always been familiar with the Jim Kelly film, Black Samurai, so I was pleasantly surprised to find out it was a book series by the revered Marc Olden, which at this point I still hadn't read anything of. Maybe not a good deal to most for ratty paperbacks, and since these are now available on Amazon in digital editions, but earlier this year I scored all of these in a lot off the 'bay. Price came out to about the price of the digital editions, but I felt it was worth it for my obsessive tangible desires. And the covers are absolutely glorious.

I've just read the first book so far. Didn't blow me away, but it's a solid setup for things to come. Our introduction to the Black Samurai is in Vietnam, where GI Robert Sand sees a group of white GIs bullying a frail Asian man. He intervenes and is shot in the process, seeing the elderly man clean up the scum with inhuman moves. Sand awakens in a different place, his wounds dressed. His savior is naturally a Samurai master, so no surprises what happens from this point on.

The story kicks into gear when a nasty group of terrorists with some world-cleansing ideals raid the dojo, machine-gunning, grenading, and attack-dogging all those inside. Sand and his fellow samurai manage to take a few terrorists with them, but they're ultimately all wiped out, with Sand the only survivor.

The revenge onward is decent, but only a few notable scenes. A lot of sleuthing about and finding the bad dudes, but one particular scene where he invades an outpost at night is pretty good, going as far as decapitating a lookout guy then throwing the head in, convincing the remaining guys inside to just straight up leave in fear!

It's been a couple months since I read this earlier this year, and already my memory of it has sorta diminished, hence the ass review. It was enjoyable and moved fast, but nothing that memorable--sans that glorious decapitation! With the intro exposition out of the way I'm definitely looking forward to the next volume that'll hopefully have a bit more to remember it by, especially the sixth volume with its delightful, cultish cover with whip-wielding midgets.

Rare Gwendoline Poster Appears!

One film I worship is Just Jaeckin's Gwendoline, also known as The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of Yik-Yak, very loosely based on John Willie's S&M comic Sweet Gwendoline. Jaeckin is best known for 1974's Emmanuelle, which was pretty huge and launched infinite films starring Emmanuelle (and often spelled Emanuelle), which in most circles is probably more popularly known as the bundle of Italian films featuring exploitation goddess Laura Gemser. I liked Jaeckin's; it's pretty, and I'm sure this is fault of the source material that I haven't read, but also a bit, eh... rapey--or totally liberating, in bonkers 70's film world. I've preferred the Gemser stuff, which doesn't shy away from its absolutely exploitation elements; it very much knows what it is, without any pretentions that some old dude drummed up about getting fucked against your will. The 70's!

But I digress! I don't collect many post variants, because Crom knows I already own way too goddamn many, with only a meager percentage of those actually christened upon my walls. But I snag up interesting Gwendoline ones when I can, because as I said, I absolutely adore it--and put them on my walls!

I've never seen this one at all, and whomever purchased it obviously hadn't either because it disappeared as I got the ebay notification within the day off surfacing. I'm pretty heartbroken I didn't get it. Just looking at it pulls my heart strings and stings with regret! $47 bucks is a bit up there for me--but it's Zabou! I assume this was some sort of promotional thing, with individual snaps taken from this other poster I've been after--and did get from the same seller!--so that's exciting, at least. But guhhhhh, I want this.

Oh well. Here's to hoping another appears someday in the future. For now just documenting since I haven't seen another online ever, ebay or otherwise.